1. Donating sperm may have been easy, but learning to be a great lover takes time and patience. Becoming a great father is no different. Learning the ropes may take some time, but I guarantee the life-long rewards will be more than worth the effort!

2. Hands-on fathering is good for you, your partner and your baby. It’s not just about changing diapers. Feeding, bathing, holding and talking to your little one helps you bond together and gain essential on-the-job training.

3. You have undoubtedly discovered that your wife isn’t much fun right now. She may be weepy, stressed, and a bit less groomed than she used to be. This is normal. The good news is that she will return to something like her old self again once your little family has navigated the gauntlet of new parenthood.

4. It may look like all your wife cares about is the baby, but she actually needs you. A lot. The amazing person you coupled with nine or ten months ago is right there inside the stressed-out new mom. Stay close and keep the faith.

5. Your sex life may have taken a nose dive, but you will be able to engage in some adult fun, with your wife, soon.

6. Postpartum disorders are no one’s fault. It is normal for new moms to experience some sort of postpartum mood disorder. It’s not your fault, or hers either. Some symptoms are temporary. All are treatable.

7. Sleep heals. Mothers typically take the brunt of sleepless nights, but you’re probably not getting as much as you need either. Whoever came up with the phrase “sleeping like a baby” didn’t know babies wake up a lot! One proven way to help both of you feel better is to support each other in getting sleep whenever possible.

8. Trust your gut. Everybody, from the guy at the gym to your baby’s pediatrician, will give you different advice. Even if you’re new at this, your instincts are good. Your wife, your baby and your instincts will let you know what you need to know if you pay attention.

9. Your baby needs to play with you. Here is a case where having fun is the right thing. Playing stimulates your baby’s mind and body to develop in healthy ways. You may feel more playful right now than your wife, so go for it.

10. The advent of a new baby is stressful. Even miracles create challenges. Things should get smoother with a little time. If your lives don’t get better, or if you or your wife feels worse, ask for help!

You may think it’s more important to tend constantly to the needs of other people rather than yourself. This appears at first glance to be the selfless, even saintly, way to behave. Aren’t mothers supposed to put the needs of their family first?

In actuality, you will care for your loved ones better by taking time to refill your own well. If you are constantly on call, with no time for yourself, you will eventually run out of energy. Giving yourself a brief time to tune in and recharge will help ensure you are able to respond to the very real needs of your children as well as the rest of your family.

One thing you may not have considered is that you are a role model for your children from the day they are born. As such, you have a responsibility to show them how to care for themselves by taking care of yourself. Mothers have wept over the realization that they had modeled a lack of self-care for their daughters until it was nearly too late. Our children learn far more from our actions than from our words. If you want your children to take healthy time and space for themselves as adults, you need to show them how.

Yes, meditation is proven to be a highly effective tool for reducing stress and increasing health, but there are thousands of other ways to take ten minutes for you. The important thing is to make a commitment to yourself and follow through with it daily. You could go for a walk, listen to some favorite music, take a bath, sit in the car (as long as you’re not driving!), look at a beautiful painting or view, or savor a cup of coffee or tea all by yourself.

If you are a stay-at-home mom who is normally with your child (or children) 24 hours a day, I encourage you to find a creative way to take an hour or two away at least once a week while your baby is being properly cared for by another adult. This will allow you some mental and physical decompression time. It’s amazing how much more you can appreciate the miracle of life that you helped create when you have a small amount of space that other people take for granted. Just being away for a short time can open you up to wholeheartedly enjoying your family even if you thought you were too tired to do so.

As you follow through with your new “self care” strategy, your unconscious mind will begin to trust the process. Your sense of well being and even body image may unexpectedly improve. When you behave as though you are a loved person, worthy of taking up space in the world, you will start to believe that it is actually O.K. for you to exist in the world. This cannot help but translates into feelings of better health and an increased sens of balance in the world, allowing you respond more easily and gracefully as a mother, partner or wife.

Our world is changing faster than ever. Disastrous weather, home mortgage crises and a plunging stock market have brought increasing instability to our homes. Pregnant and postpartum new mothers who are already dealing with massive fluctuations in hormones and brain chemistry are among the most at-risk during difficult times. The external world conflicts with their strong internal drive to create a safe “nest” for their babies.

Creating a stable home environment may be the “impossible dream” during rapidly changing world events. Parents may find themselves overwhelmed and underprepared, wanting to do right by their families but struggling to find the resources to do so. Babies and young children are acutely sensitive to the stress level in parents. Helping mothers and fathers find some mental and physical relief can provide a more secure, calming environment for the developing minds and bodies of their children. Here’s what to do:

1. Focus on the moment. There may be a hundred problems that you need to cope with. You cannot possibly tend to them all at once. Just focus on one at a time. Most importantly, check if you and your family are safe for now. If not, ask yourself what you need to do to assure the most basic needs are met, and follow through. If you are safe, even for the night, breathe and allow a moment of gratitude for even the smallest blessings.

2. Allow Yourself to Be Honest. You may need to temporarily suppress some emotions for the sake of being able to move forward in the world, but ignoring your feelings completely can be dangerous. Give yourself permission to feel whatever is going on inside. Do an internal check. Are you mad, glad, sad, scared or some combination of these?

3. Connect with Someone. You may not realize it yet, but you are not alone. Connecting to share your story can bring back your sense of sanity. It can also comfort other people in need. Quantity doesn’t matter much, or even the means of connecting. The internet can provide a way to reach out to support groups if you haven’t found supportive people locally. A single, supportive human connection can do a world of good.

4. Nurture Yourself. Ask yourself what you love with each of your senses. What do you love to hear? What do you love to taste? What do you love to feel? What do you love to smell? What do you love to see? Write your answers down, and be creative. Spa days, massages and fancy dinners are great, but the object here is to find small but meaningful ways to nurture yourself every day. You may be surprised to find the variety of simple, inexpensive ways to bring pleasure through multiple senses. A cup of favorite tea or coffee can nourish your sense of taste, smell, touch, and even sight if you take the time to focus and enjoy it. Stroking a cat or dog can be tremendously soothing, nourishing your sense of touch and bringing a sense of connection at the same time. It is possible to become aware of beauty even in some of the harshest environments.

5. Cover the Essentials. Eating, sleeping, breathing and drinking water may not seem significant, but they are. Attending to these essentials each day will provide you with the energy to make it through to smoother times.

6. Ask Others for Help. This is no sign of weakness. On the contrary, you prove your competence by asking for help for yourself and your family when you need it. Do you need help finding information, food, housing, resources, or a supportive network? People might not know what you need unless you tell them. Don’t let your pride interfere. Give yourself permission to ask for help and increase your chances of finding the resources you need.